The Pills
by Darkened Elf
Summary: Zelas Metallium decides to stop smoking. Fairly short, please R&R for more chapters ^.~ (It's finished. Blah. No more chapters)
1. Plan A

THE PILLS  
  
  
  
"XELLOSS!!!" Roared the voice of Zelas Metallium, the Great Beastmaster. "Where are my pills?!!" She sobbed. Xelloss nervously pops up in front of this reader, bowing slightly. "Hello, one and all. I'm in a spot of trouble... See, it all happened about a week ago."  
  
A flashback begins, to the annoyance of everyone.  
  
"Alright, Lina. You can go in and see Zelas-sama now, but remember, she is an ancient Mazoku Lord, and deserves all of your respect, attention, poise, and most importantly, you must remain on completely formal terms with here. Am I clear?" "Alright, alright, Xelloss. Just let us in already!" Came the Sorceress's reply. Xelloss pushed open the mighty doors that lead into the throne room on Wolf Pack Island, bowing deeply to his 'mother', who nodded in response, taking a long drag from her cigarette. Lina bowed as deeply as Xelloss, Zelgadis, Gourry, and Amelia following her lead. Suddenly, Xelloss spoke, with a rather perkier tone than normal, straightening from his bow and phasing away, appearing in Zelas-sama's lap "Mama!" "Gaaah!" She cried out, accidentally dropping her cigarette. Lina face faulted, Zel twitching and thinking this was an utter waste of time, and turning to leave. "Mama?" Xelloss asked as innocently as he could, opening his eyes and attempting the puppy dog look which was wasted by his Mazoku eyes. "What do you want this time?" Growled the no-longer-so-calm Zelas, her left eyebrow twitching. "I want you to stop smoking. It's a bad habit, and I found you these pills that should really help! It's called 'The Smoke Away System'!" ((A/N: Yes, I couldn't miss a chance to mock the I-Channel's commercials. ^.^ \\V// )) "And. you. bought me the pills?" She said flatly, snatching the pills from his hands, throwing him off her lap, and her twitch growing more obvious. Lina and crew decided it would be best to leave. Post haste.  
  
End Flashback  
  
"So, basically what happened after that was she tried the pills, but they. erm. got lost..." He smiled nervously. "XELLOSS!!! SHOW YOURSELF AT ONCE YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING [Ranting]!" "Help" Xelloss whispered, hiding behind a large pillar, taking out the pills and winking at the audience, before slipping into darkness. 


	2. Plan B

Chapter Two: Plan B  
  
Zelas finally gave up, curling into a ball on her throne, whimpering softly and rocking back and forth, murmuring about her pills...  
  
Xelloss puffed up in front of her "Mama? Are you feeling better?"  
  
"YOU!!!" She screamed, lunging at him and pinning him, shaking his shoulders "GIVE ME MY PILLS YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING PRIEST OF MINE!"  
  
"Maaaa-maaaa! I d-d-don't haaaaave the-e-em!!" He managed out through the shakings.  
  
"Then who does!?" She growled, her eyes flashing dangerously.  
  
"L-Lina Inverse..."  
  
"EH?!!"  
  
"Yeah, Lina Inverse has the pills," Xelloss nodded, edging away, not liking it when she got like this.  
  
~*~  
  
Lina shivered.  
  
"What's wrong, Lina-san?"  
  
"Dunno..." She blinked, looking up at the sky, which had suddenly gotten very dark indeed.  
  
Zelgadis scowled, looking up "That's never a good sign...."  
  
Zelas herself phased in before the group, grabbing Lina by her throat, screaming "WHERE ARE MY PILLS!?!! GIVE ME MY PILLS!!!"  
  
"Pills!? I don't have your pills!" The words had no sooner escaped Lina's mouth, then they were shaken loose from the back of her cape.  
  
Xelloss appeared in the shadows, a needle and the same color thread that had attached the pills in his hands. He winked, then sat back to watch they mayhem.  
  
((A/N: Yeah, these really are all different stories, but they work together... I may write another chapter. ^.~)) 


	3. Plan C

Plan C:  
  
That was it. After Lina had explained to Zelas that she had indeed NOT taken the pills, they began their manhunt (or rather, Mazokuhunt) for the Fruitcake.  
  
Zelgadis sighed from his Ray Wing perch, shaking his head. "This is just sad..."  
  
"It is, isn't it?" Said that silky, calm voice of Xelloss, causing Zelgadis to jump and nearly pop the Ray Wing.  
  
"You?!"  
  
"Shhh, keep your voice down, stony!" Xelly grinned.  
  
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, and just-"  
  
"Didn't hear what, stony?" Xelloss grinned even more so, leaning close to Zelgadis and giving him a peck on the cheek.  
  
To which he found out that stone hands, when used correctly, can be more painful than Mace-sama.  
  
"Thank L-Sama I'm a masochist..." Xelloss the purple splotch whimpered.  
  
Zelgadis didn't hear him, busy scraping the splotch off the ground with a sharp metal object, whistling as he worked.  
  
Meanwhile....  
  
"IF I EVER GET MY HANDS ON THAT PURPLE FRUITCAKE I'LL RAGANA BLADE HIM INTO NEXT WEEK!!!" Lina Inverse screamed. Obviously she was a bit miffed about something.  
  
Zelas nodded "My thoughts exactly... But come, we aren't getting anywhere just screaming about him..."  
  
Gourry was munching on food, and Amelia had been mobbed by angry Zelgadis fangirls, all with sharp objects.  
  
"Hey girls!" Zelgadis called cheerfully, walking over to them, the smear secured in a bag. "Lookie who I found!"  
  
Lina and Zelas looked over, and a rather malicious grin began to spread.  
  
The smear whimpered, cursed, and sunk into the lowest corner of the bag.  
  
Lina looked at Zelas, who nodded. Zelgadis handed her the bag, and dropped into it the ultimate tool of pain, too much for even that Masochist to stand: A small, completely accurate doll of Chibi-Usa, complete with those freaky glowing red eyes.  
  
A scream was heard across the land, and the scene fades out....  
  
To Be Continued... Dun Dun DUUUUUUH!  
  
((A/N: Yeah, my fiction is really... odd these days... I will be finishing and posting a rather serious Slayers fiction pretty soon, but it deals with a made-up. Yeah, I know some find it annoying, but hey... She's cool in my eyes. So :P. And by the way, I don't own Slayers... I wish I could own Zelgadis, or Zelly-pants, as I prefer to say... (Thanks to my friend Aru- chan! ^-^)) 


	4. Plan D

Plan D:  
  
((A/N: Okay, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a long time, but here's the next chapter!! ^_^ And I probably won't get around to finishing The Nutcracker in the Eyes of the Slayers until next Christmas... ^-^;;;; I'm working on an SI fic... And if you don't like SI, then don't read it, but it's going to be really... um... unique... Anyways! Onto the fic! As always, I don't own Slayers.. I wish I owned Zel, but I don't. Damn the world....))  
  
((Oh, and I don't own Smoke Away, which is the pills I'm referring to ^- ^;;))  
  
Hours of the torture passed, Zelas finally relenting, letting Xelly-boy have a small break.  
  
Zelgadis sat on a rock, sipping some coffee that had mysteriously appeared, one of those rare smiles apparent on his face...  
  
Lina was plotting new ways to torture Xel, and they were quite violent...  
  
Zelas glanced over to the sorceress, raising an eyebrow and walking to her side, looking over the plan sheet, taking a long drink from her glass of brandy...  
  
Lina looked up "I think this should work..."  
  
"But it could kill us, you know..."  
  
"I know..." She sighed "But that's a chance we HAVE to take if we want to settle this once and for all."  
  
"I suppose you're right... We cast on three, alright?"  
  
"Wait!" Zel said suddenly, finishing off his coffee "I don't trust either of you... Let me get out of range?"  
  
"Run fast, stone boy" Zelas growled, not liking the way she was spoken to, but willing to let it slide this once.  
  
Zel nodded, Ray Winging a very good distance....  
  
The two women turned to Xel, grinning evilly, and began to chant, a Chaos word nearly every other word!  
  
Xel looked up from his regeneration, twitching. "That's a summoning spell... But... What could they be summoning?!"  
  
The sky began to darken, and bright flashes of lightning streaked across, any humans that could see were running for their pathetic little lives.  
  
A giggle was heard over the crowd, and the girls nodded, Zelas phasing them to somewhere safe.  
  
The giggle continued, and Xelloss was riddled with agony, cringing and falling to his knees "No.. L-Sama, no! Make is stop!! Don't let it get me!! NOOOO!!"  
  
In a spectacular flash of light, the clouds disappeared. But in front of the Priest, sat a small child, appearing to be no older than ten. Large red eyes stared up at him, as cotton candy pink hair flowed gently, in the stupidest hairstyle ever.... This, was of course, the spawn of Satan.  
  
He twitched, backing away "No... Not her... Not her!! ZELAS-SAMA, GOMEN!! GOOOOMMMMEEEEEEN!!!!!!" He screamed, covering his head with his hands, the pills falling onto the ground. The small child leapt at Xel, as if to hug him.  
  
The Beastmaster had seen enough, and phased in, sending power at the spawn, and picking up her pills, kicking Xelloss...  
  
~*~  
  
Several weeks later, Zelas sat on her throne, drinking a large glass of brandy. Her cigarettes were beside her, and the pills had been destroyed, hopefully for good.  
  
"Mooooooommy!" Called Xelloss, phasing in in her lap, succeeding in scaring the Mazoku lord once again.  
  
"What do you want this time?" She asked calmly, taking a long drink from her goblet.  
  
"I need a small favor..."  
  
"Which would be?..."  
  
"Stop drinking?"  
  
And thus the cycle of pain started all over again...  
  
((A/N: Bwahahah! Thanks for the inspiration, Kitsune Arashi. ^-^; Okay, I may or may not continue this, but I think this is a fun place to stop... Either way, please review. ^-^; )) 


End file.
